I did not lose anyone close to me on that fateful day, nor do I know anyone personally that was at the Twin Towers or around it on September 11, 2001. I do know someone that knows someone, so I have seen and felt their pain of loss. However, I was deeply affected and profoundly changed on Tuesday, September 11, 2001.

I was in an airplane flying home to St. Louis, MO from Ft. Myers, FL. I had just facilitated the Understanding Yourself & Others course, a personal development experience. Facilitating this course has been the fulfillment of a dream in which I get to assist people in letting go of limiting beliefs standing in the way of the expression of their magnificence. I share this because my flights home from facilitating these weekends are opportunities to rest and reflect; which is exactly what I was doing. I was upgraded to first class and was listening to a meditation CD when the pilot made an announcement. I was very startled out of my trance!

I want to also mention that I have 3 sons and on September 11, 2001, they were 14, 11, and 10 years old. Whenever I travel home after a weekend course, I greet them as they come home from school on the bus. I had not seen them in six days, so I was really looking forward to greeting them with hugs and kisses.

The pilot’s announcement was that the President of the United States had declared an emergency because two planes had run into the Twin Towers and we would be turning around and going to the Atlanta airport where we had been instructed to land. We were requested to remain in our seats until we landed. As I looked around, I noticed that all the flight attendants were standing in the aisle as if it was rehearsed. I was very scared and nervous. We landed within the hour and as soon as we exited into the jetway, I called my former husband and father of our children to find out what was going on. He was relieved to hear from me and to know I was alright. He was not going to be able to be there when the boys got home because he was on “lock down” at his work.

I was aware of my fear, however I was also stunned and grateful for the way were being taken care of. We were given hotel vouchers and directions to a bus that would shuttle us to our hotel. For the amount of people at the airport, it was strangely quiet and without chaos. It was clear there were no more cars to rent and mass transportation was not running, so I was going to go to the hotel and deciding my next step from there.

The next person I called was my Mother. Needless to say, she was relieved to hear my voice as she did know I was traveling. True to her nature, she was ready to step in as needed. I asked my Mom to be at my house before the boys were due home, therefore assured that she would be there to greet them when they walked in the door. In the meantime, I spoke with a dear friend who was on her way to pick me and drive me home. This was an 8 hour trip for her.

About 5 minutes before I knew Trevor (11) would arrive home from school I called my Mom so that he could talk with me right away. I could hear him running in the door and before Mom could say anything, he demanded, “Where is my Mom?” I could hear the fear in his voice. Mom handed him the phone and we talked for about 10 minutes relieving his fears about my safety. I cried almost the entire phone call. Then Drew (10) came home and while I didn’t hear him running in the door, nor was he afraid about where I was – he was unaware of what was going on in the world. In talking with Drew, I could tell he was now worried and most concerned about how soon I would be home. Lastly, Bobby (14) came home. He was happy to talk with me, knew what was going on in the world and intuitively knew I was alright. He was curious about all the details of the events of my day.

My friend arrived around 1:00 am. After a restless night of sleep, we left early in the morning. I noticed something interesting as we drove toward St. Louis. I was feeling extremely anxious, close to a panic attack. I was a passenger. I realized how out of control I was feeling, so in order to feel better I tried driving. It worked, I felt better! From this position, I could talk about my fears of the day, how much I wanted to be with my sons and I cried a lot. So I found something to control so that I could stop controlling my feelings. This brought a lot of relief and allowed me to become more present. I arrived home before school was out.

Let me tell you that I was immensely grateful the moment in which each of my sons walked in the door. I hugged them, kissed them, hugged them again, sat and talked and asked them questions and fixed our favorite meal and basically did not let them out of sight for the entire evening! Bobby was simply grateful I was alright and very sad about all the families affected by the deaths in New York and Washington, D.C. Trevor requested that I not travel for a while. He wasn’t sure how long, but I was willing to honor that request as much for him as for me. Drew requested that when I did travel again, that he receive a phone call from me before I took off and immediately after I landed.

Ten years ago I had my eyes and heart opened. I saw how life can change in one instant and that it may not necessarily be in my control. What is in my control are my feelings and they deserve to be listened to and honored. I feel immense love for my family, my friends, for people. I empathized with those that lost on that day and grateful for my freedom to go home and hug my loved ones. I will never take my family and loved ones for granted. I will cherish every moment I have with them and make sure I am present to them. I am committed to seeing the magnificence in every person no matter their behavior as well as assisting them to discover, honor and express that magnificence.

So, will you take a tragedy such as 9/11/01 and learn to love more, honor more, empathize more and commit to caring more? I do and I will.

For more than a year I have spoken, along with my sister of wishing for a new job. We wished for something in college, something that provides us with a creative outlet, support, something allowing time for our family. Something fulfilling. This year, we both told each other, would be our LAST year in our schools. We shook on it.

Just before each school year, we draw oracle cards. We ask for insight into what the year’s goal will be. Mine for this year was, “Yes!” I realized, in shock, that I wasn’t truly focused on the standard question. I was really searching for direction: was I REALLY leaving my school? I can tell you now that I am amazed at how many times “yes” has appeared for my recognition – too many to count! It has become funny in that I can see that “yes” appears as a reminder at the moment I begin to doubt.

Before Thanksgiving, I had a few experiences and “arrows” froom God saying, “Time to go!”  I strangled on it, Andrew (my brother-in-law) quite literally poking me in the back saying, “so when are you moving to college?”, my husband just laughing at me and saying, “GO!”  I developed a string of canker sores across the back of my tongue and running down my throat.  I couldn’t talk, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.  I read and prayed and drew from my card deck.  Again, “YES” almost mocking me with the regularity of arrival.  I actually flattened the card between books, convinced I had somehow marked or warped the card.

I laugh at me.  I recall what was said in Journey to Your Soul’s Magnificence – What a Difference a Year Makes – don’t seek to uncover the truth, seek to uncover the self deceptions.

So, on the drive to Indiana for Thanksgiving, I continuously sprayed my throat with numbing medication and marveled at the age of 3G.  I searched and searched and searched for resources on my iPhone, via the internet.  How to write a syllabus.  How to plan a course.  How to interview at the University level.  I read, took notes, highlighted, ordered books.  I emailed and posted on Facebook to friends who teach at that level, asking for any input, suggestions, or advice.  My throat sores went away.

Then, two days later, one of my friends texted, “CALL ME!”

We connected via phone and he told me his department had a few people retiring and he had been thinking of me.  He saw my contact on Facebook as the hand of God.  He wanted me to meet with the department chair.  He thought I’d be perfect for the job.  I asked questions, probed, discussed, and my husband and sister literally danced around me as I took notes from my friend.  We drove back to San Antonio the day before Thanksgiving.  I wrote notes for my Educational Philosophy in the car.  When we were home, I hurriedly updated my resume.  The day after Thanksgiving, I phoned my friend again, emailed him my resume, and set up an informal meeting with the department chair of St. Mary’s University, San Antonio.

It went brilliantly.  I thought I’d hand over my resume, tell them how I thought I’d be great for the job, and then we’d shake hands and set up an interview.  Instead, I was there for more than two hours, talking with them.  My friend took me on a tour of the university.  I went to TWO meetings with two different people.  I was introduced to some of the students.  It was amazing!  The Department Chair told me they planned to have the post formally open by mid-January and filled by mid-March.

Questioning (will I ever learn?), I came home, talked with my husband, prayed, and shuffled my cards.  I don’t need to tell you what the first card was.  I will tell you I also got the “teacher” card and “creativity.”

I began buying books on how to plan, how to create, how to “improve”, how to formally rate at the university level.  My sister and I met over the winter break and we researched every two and four year college in the San Antonio and surrounding areas.  We made a spread sheet.  We mapped and documented.  It felt so POSITIVE. 

I kept dreawing the “yes” card.

My sister and I met at the start of the new year and created vision boards.  I specifically focused mine on St. Mary’s. I also printed out a bunch of small cards featuring St. Mary’s icon/logo.  I posted them all over my house, in my car, and I hid them in various places in my classroom where I would see them frequently (but they would not pull focus from my students).  I smile and feel grateful every time I pass one.  I scanned the “yes” card and made it the faceplate of my cell phone.

Now back to work, I took a Friday off and spent the day investigating the colleges for application methods, job postings, degree requirements, and the names of Deans and Dept. Chairs.  I spent time creating a curriculum vitae, formally updating my resume, writing my educational philosophy, and creating cover letters.  I also wrote my professional bio to go on a university web page. I asked my sister to edit my work, then sent letters to the Dept. Chair at St. Mary’s and my friend.  I thanked my friend for his support and told him how excited I was about this potential position.  I told the dept. chair of my wishes for a new position and how I thought St. Mary’s would be a wonderful fit.  I thanked them both for their time in December and renewed my wishes to be notified when the position was officially opened so I could formally apply.

In February, I received a message on my phone.  The Dept. Chair told me, via the message, that he thought I would be a perfect fit and that they needed me.  The department is in a state of change and he wants me to come in and “shake things up.”  I freaked out.  Literally.  I called my sister and she calmed me down.  We came up with a plan: I should call him back! So I did.

I has been off and on.  His sense of timing isn’t mine (or my school’s).  I’m learning to relax and let go, trust.  I began visualizing teaching private students, interviewing, and him hiring me across the table.  It felt silly, but I visualized ordering the textbooks and how I’d learn my new students’ names. I visualized setting at lunch in the breezeway of the building and walking in new, professional looking shoes.

I met with him about a month ago and signed papers.  I’ve now got a parking pass for the university and I’ve resigned, effective the end of the school year, with my district. I’ve run the “Commitment” meditation from Journey to Your Soul’s Magnificence by Pamela Dunn, with my current campus in mind, and now I’m planning specific courses for St. Mary’s.

This has all occurred in what appears to be a magical way without all the regular formalities.  This has all happened because I took charge of my magnificence and the power of change.  I asked specifically for what I wanted, then created it.  I am terrified, with the emphasis on the “terrific” side of the term, and so very blissfully happy.

You can too!  Kimberly

Last week I was observing my daughter Piper (4) and it occurred to me she could benefit from a pause.  Not her pausing, but my husband and I.  She is a half a second behind us and we are two seconds ahead, never meeting in exactly the right moment for her.  Bath time defiance starts promptly after water is in the tub. “Piper please stop drinking the water,” I say.  Tonight something different happened.  Her cheeks were full, giving me the impression of water in the mouth.  I paused, I looked at her, no talking, cheeks popped and low and behold there wasn’t water in her mouth.  The pause.  We can slow down for her.  I touch her cheek and say a prayer of thankfulness for her soul.

Thoughts shift quickly into other circumstances and I’m in front of Carol—the teacher at Piper’s pre-school—she is describing the pause.  “If we could just slow down – even the way we walk is fast,” she says.  She bent her body as she talked to exaggerate the flow of “the pause” with an innocent grin on her face.  How tender to witness!!

Passing my neighborhood I see someone walking very fast talking on his cell phone.   He may want to consider slowing down or he is going to miss the most precious spaces in his life, the space that can only be felt when in the pause.  I pray he feels himself.

My chest fills up with breath and I notice the sweetness in my friend’s eyes while also hearing the drain in her voice.  I wonder if she knows her value.    

I notice the pain in my own voice as I say out loud while driving past a cemetery, “Dad I am very angry with you for not connecting, for not being present to me, for dropping off the planet and leaving me.”

I cry but desperately want to hide the depth of my feelings. I bear witness to the tendency to hold my own breath to avoid the self judgment I feel when I go deep into my anger.  I forget to be sweet to myself.  I acknowledge my own ability to disappear.  I become vulnerable.  I decide to consciously breathe having the courage and strength to stand in my own pain.

I expand into the miracle of my tender self.  I stay connected.

Piper runs in while Francesca is playing in the snow and tells me, “I found a butterfly.  I thought it was fake.”

“Show me!!”

In the downstairs basement door runner was a beautiful tiger swallowtail butterfly in our house in the “dead” of winter.  The internet said he should be hibernating.

Francesca prays to have an animal to pour her love into.  Her prayers are answered.  She feeds him, he crawls on her, and they share connectedness as they pause, bend and flow together.  He decides it’s ok to fly, he feels safe, transformation happen before my eyes.

MIRACLES.  

 Nikki Valenti is a visionary intuitive who bridges the gap between spirituality and our physical world. Like other executive officers in charge of the vision and strategy for the different facets of their business, I am a Chief Spirituality Officer who can assist the creative process through information I am able to download from other dimensions of energy and parallel realities. My abilities and talents provide a necessary component to evolve people and our planet through higher consciousness tools and techniques. Through the translation of energy, I am able to help innovation advancements in technologies, science, medicine and human evolution in a tangible form.

Dear G-d,
This is a love song to you thanking you for being right, thanking you for it really being True that Divine Love can overcome anything. All my life, I was told it was true. For as long as we have lived and had the capacity to think, feel, and hope, my brothers and sisters in humankind have wanted, needed, the promise of your Love.

On Saturday, September 4, at 1pm, I held the evidence, I held Your Kept Promise, in my arms. My beautiful brother Roger, back from the non-life of cocaine addiction, wrapped me up in his strong, gentle arms with his son Adam watching from the porch and our sister Rebecca joining us.

All the famous sacred books talk about miracles. My family is in the cradle of one of Your best! I know You were proud of parting the Red Sea. I know water into wine and walking on water got better press. But bringing the Golsbys back together, happily in my home, after losing our sister and both parents within six years and nearly losing our brother belongs in the sequel. Maybe I’ll write it.

As that weekend approached, the immensity of all of it began to hit me. I did not know such tremendous transformation—of an entire family—was actually possible. As much as I relished becoming Adam’s parent after Mom died, there were many times when I felt acutely the responsibility of having him—especially the financial part. But now, his father, my beloved youngest brother, is not only financially present, but I can get him on the phone! Last week when I was driving to New Orleans and the transmission overheated I called him and he told me how to put in fluid! I made it to my dinner there and back and have not had any trouble since.

I never allowed myself the luxury of expecting my brother to come back fully. I hoped for it. After Adam and I saw him at Christmas and he looked so terrible, well I was just distraught, as you, uh, know. And then the hilarious coincidence when my friend left her cell phone here after a Saints party and her friend the drug counselor called and I answered and she told me to change how I thought and spoke about my brother. She said since he had gone to rehab voluntarily that meant he wanted to get well. So Adam and I started telling people he was in the early stages of recovery. In less than two months he had moved 200 miles away from our home town to a new city and new, clean, healthy friends!

You don’t mess around do you! When we line up our sparks of Divinity with yours and it hits the big Love energy its…well hell I don’t know how to describe it. (Sorry about saying hell.)

I have been so immensely blessed these past five years! Now it is all coming together in bigger ways than I ever dared to dream. I feel that every hurt, every disappointment, every sadness of my life has been healed. I did not know that all this work, trust, and faith would lead to this. I did not know that this new, divine landscape of the heart could exist for me and my family, but it does! This pure love is our new reality.

I had forgotten about my life long habit of protecting myself inside my own family. But in the weeks leading up to the Labor Day gathering of the four grown living children of Ralph and Sue Golsby, and our families, I noticed a big shift had occurred. Adam and I have taken Your Infinite Life’s classes, but the entire family was impacted. As we planned the weekend we could feel the energies on the phone. This new way of kind and gentle closeness, which Adam and I have been practicing for five years, is happening naturally now with all of us, most of the time.

You know, G-d, one of your wisest moves was pairing up people to fall in love who have things to learn from each other. Carefully watching my mouth so as to avoid the dog house here, my relationship with my amazing sweetheart has caused me to learn patience, and as close as I can probably get to humility. This commitment, and the learning and most of all, unfettered joy that flows from this amazing relationship, has affected every area of my life. So thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank you for my sweetheart. Thank you for my brother Roger, my brother John, my sister Rebecca, John’s wife Julie, my niece Harper, my nephew Ian, my nephew who is like my son, Adam. Thank you for my cat, thank you for my toes, thank you for my home, my friends, my clients. Thank you for the squirrel across the street and the nut in its hands. Thank you for LIFE, Dear G-d, and for the fact that I know, live, and am shouting from the mountaintops that YOU KEEP YOUR PROMISES!
Love,
Marsanne